Thinking About Suicide? Read This. →

oheyitsvivian:

Thinking About Suicide? Read This

 You’re sitting in your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper infront of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone  or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody.

It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all.

No body cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her  she doesn’t know you’regone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got  which is close to nothing  to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself  for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right?

8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door  it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right?

Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday  still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept for nights  it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night  wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right?

Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t  she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never.

It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back  but you don’t, and you won’t.

Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today  or any other day  you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs  everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now  but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.

Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself ~ how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable.

If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll be more than happy to listen to you and try to help you feel better. There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbors, adults, councilors ~ they’re all there for you whenever you need them.

I just want you to remember three things: you’re beautiful, you’re not alone, and it does get better, I promise. ♥

(Source: nutellaification, via allwedoishope)

  1. fall-and-i-will-fall-wtih-you reblogged this from nutellaification and added:
    i wanted was them
  2. hipst3r--paradise reblogged this from nutellaification
  3. l0st-in-4-sweet-esc4pe reblogged this from nutellaification
  4. josiegailey reblogged this from nutellaification
  5. haydenkaiserisemperor reblogged this from goldelinemydear
  6. goldelinemydear reblogged this from allwedoishope
  7. uhmanda-g reblogged this from shutupsiscily
  8. shutupsiscily reblogged this from allwedoishope
  9. herdreamsgiveherwingsxo reblogged this from allwedoishope
  10. mandymcclish reblogged this from forgettrashyletsbeclassy
  11. heavenlysmiles reblogged this from iheartbabynandos
  12. awkward-lyfe reblogged this from shi1oh
  13. iheartbabynandos reblogged this from allwedoishope
  14. nomcookiez reblogged this from allwedoishope
  15. overactivecupid reblogged this from waifyuu
  16. glitter-and-h0ez reblogged this from miracles--happen
  17. starsandthelovers reblogged this from allwedoishope
  18. miracles--happen reblogged this from allwedoishope
  19. allwedoishope reblogged this from shi1oh
  20. your-mothers-underwear reblogged this from waifyuu
  21. shi1oh reblogged this from miserableatbest1313
  22. waifyuu reblogged this from miserableatbest1313
  23. miserableatbest1313 reblogged this from 77raindrops
  24. 77raindrops reblogged this from viviann-xo
  25. dreamsandlullabies808 reblogged this from light-will-shine
  26. viviann-xo reblogged this from nutellaification
  27. shonquiqui-bitch reblogged this from nutellaification
  28. seriouslyimcynthia reblogged this from nutellaification
  29. fuckingcatwhore reblogged this from nutellaification
  30. dino-phobia reblogged this from nutellaification
  31. light-will-shine reblogged this from nutellaification and added:
    couldnt stop crying. omg